vinyl.

list of things i need to buy soon:

vinyl records

Bright Eyes: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning.

Death Cab For Cutie: Transatlanticism.

Bikini Kill: Pussy Whipped.

Ladytron: Witching Hour.

Le Tigre: Le Tigre.

Tegan and Sara: The Con.

Straylight Run: Un Mas Dos.

Alkaline Trio: Good Mourning.

Atmosphere: God Loves Ugly.

Straylight Run: About Time.




tapes

fugazi.

bikini kill.

bratmobile.

breaking pangaea.

jawbreaker.

nofx.

mixtape two.

these songs have been on repeat for the last 36 hours:


purging [boys night out]

yellowcake [kaki king]

this could be a good excuse [the used]

without me [goldfinger]

bed of roses [mindless self indulgence]

the the empty [le tigre]

set phasers to stun [taking back sunday]

bloody romance [senses fail]

du hast [rammstein]

now youve got something to die for [lamb of god]

cocaine blues [johnny cash]

shame shame [from first to last]

mixtape one.

so the following songs are what have been keeping me up all night....along with green tea, mia kirshner and youtube of course.


Evil [Ladytron]

We Are Rockstars [Does It Offend You, Yeah?]

Insomnia [DJ Tiesto]

I Wanna Mmm... [The Lawyer]

Control Me [Brad Walsh]

Destroy Everything You Touch [Ladytron]

Where's Your Head At [Basement Jaxx]

Crimewave [Crystal Castles]

Well Well Well [Le Tigre]

Everything's Happenin' So Fast [MGMT]

Operate [Peaches]

open pages.

i just have to say something. its been bugging me. umm....isn't it funny how you dont really know how hard youve fallen for someone until the second they tell you that they want nothing to do with you? its sad, i wish i would have known sooner. maybe that way things could have ended up differently. maybe everything happens for a reason....maybe not. who really knows? i just think its really lame that i should be over this already. i woke up this morning and couldn't figure out why this situation was still bothering me. i mean, we didnt leave off on bad terms. i thought we cleared things up for the most part. but it still gets to me. it still sucks to know that ill never play another song for her. write another line. take another deep breath in when she smiles. be able to hold her hand. play with her fingers while shes on the phone and just hope she doesnt notice. that really sucks. it does. and knowing that shes over it. knowing that shes done with "us" is really lame too. because, to me, it sort of means that i cared a whole lot more......unless i dated the best actress in town...

Tegan and Sara show [october 9th 2008]

in simplest terms, this show was one of the best shows ive been to in an unbelievably long time. the quin twins are hilarious, talented and absolutely adorable. :)









nineteen.

influential vocalists.

[in no particular order]

Alexander Blake Schwarzenbach:
[jawbreaker] when i first heard Alexander Blake Schwarzenbach's voice, it was like nothing id ever heard before. it was just so different. to this day, i cant listen to a jawbreaker record just once. always on repeat.
album of choice: Dear You.



Tim Armstrong:
[rancid] it sounds like Tim needs some help in the annunciation department, but i love that about him. like Jawbreaker's Schwarzenbach, there is no mistaking anyone else for Tim Armstrong.
album of choice: ...And Out Come The Wolves.



Geoff Rickly:
[thursday] most people associate New Jersey with crime, the misfits or my chemical romance. I associate New Jersey with Thursday. There is something about the way Geoff Rickly sings every single word that just leaves this taste in my mouth. As if i had grown up my entire life with him in Jersey. im not sure if im getting my point across, but i really like them.
album of choice: Full Collapse.



Jesse Lacey:
[brand new] Sure he seems very mysterious but is more than likely just like the rest of us, but Lacey is someone who i feel i can relate to as far as lyrical context go. self loathing, alcohol, heartbreak. its like we're all going to be in our mid-twenties forever.
album of choice: deja entendu.



Conor Oberst:
[bright eyes] his voice gives off this essence that its as if he is experiencing feelings that have never been experienced by another person ever before. Sure, we might need to go to an AA meeting after listening to a Bright Eyes record, but Oberst is definitely good at what he does.
album of choice: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning.



Jim Adkins:
[jimmy eat world] sure, its safe to assume that most of the songs Adkins writes are directed towards himself, but what teenager doesnt want to know what its only in their head to feel left out?
album of choice: Clarity.



Cedric Bixler-Zavala:
[at the drive-in] his writing style is definitely like no other. it makes me want to write songs while using a thesaurus lol.
album of choice: Relationship of Command.



John Nolan:
[straylight run] simple, down to earth guy. After meeting John many times, it's safe to say that he is extremely well at relating to his audience and does not believe he is any better than the kids at the show. Nolan gets to express his own thoughts, opinions and emotions in Straylight Run more than he did in Taking Back Sunday....maybe its a good thing they split?
album of choice: The Needles the Space.



Tegan Rain Quin:
[tegan and sara] while i truly appreciate Sara K. Quin as a musician and lyricist, i could only pick one so i went with the Quin Twin that i felt i could relate to more. Tegan Quin might as well be living what im feeling. heartbreak, love, hate, confusion, fear....common symptoms of a love addict. At sixteen, everyone might as well be a love addict. Everything Tegan and Sara have put out for the world to hear is true. They're not just words. They do have meaning behind them. Every album is magnificent in it's own way.
album of choice: This Business of Art.

Tegan and Sara are hilarious!

<3

all i've eaten today is a plum from Tegan and Sara on Vimeo.

tegan.

Dear Tegan Rain Quin,
You probably won't read this, but I just felt the need to type it up because I have extremely terrible insomnia and I felt like I needed to put this out there. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you. For what? well...like you, I happen to be a love addict rather than a love avoider. I'm not so sure whether it's a good thing or not. Obviously heartbreak is never pleasant. Whether you're dating someone for a month or a year, you get attached to the person. There's a connection there. Something that is terribly missed when the person you love tells you they don't want to be with you. That being said, I was listening to a few live versions of Call It Off I've got and came across one where you said, "everyone feels like their love is the most important love and when their love ends and they get their heart broken, nobody understands", when I heard that I realized that you were right. I mean I'm not saying that I immediately got over my ex-girlfriend, but I know that it made it a lot easier to deal with the situation I am currently in and I am definitely thankful that I've got Tegan [and Sara] Quin to listen to after a rough day. It's something to relate to. I've gone through millions and millions and millions of emotions and every single time I feel like just giving up, you and Sara help me get through it. I wholeheartedly appreciate you two for that. When I saw you last October [in Chicago], I stood there and couldn't help but tear up. Sounds odd, but I didn't know what else to do. I mean, I loved the set, but I also loved the fact that you two are no different from your audience. I've seen bands that just play over their audience and think that they're better than their fans... you two are nothing like that at all. It's nice to see that there are still people out there who care. Okay so I think I got off topic there, but my point is...... without Tegan and Sara, life would be extremely difficult. Not just for me, but for so many other people out there. So I want to completely thank you for being a part of my life.

p.s. I'm super excited for the new record! :D





last five songs ive listened to:
give chase.
just me.
i hear noises.
one second.
call it off.

favourite words.

city.
broke.
colour.
breathe.
secret.
coma.
bright.
stars.
circa.
fail.
drain.
wreck.
conscious.
demands.
cute.
smoke.
cold.
drunk.
scared.
photograph.
dream.
please.
vulgar.
miss.
curiosity.
con.
quiet.
skyline.
hype.
suspended.
vicious.
past.
melodramatic.

escobar.

so im not exactly a fan of the military or just war in general for that matter. that being said, i grew up in a family where if you werent a construction worker, you were in some branch of the military. im not a fan of either of those. anyway, although i dont agree with war under any circumstance [because someones ideas forced upon someone else, even if it is something like freedom, isnt right] what i can say is that i respect the members of my family who serve in the military. the way i see it, you cannot put a price on someones life, but these people are out there risking their lives daily. so i respect them for it. my sister is in the military and shes definitely someone i respect entirely.

favourite band names.

in no particular order.

sunny day real estate:
i just really like this name.
not to mention, theyre a phenomenal band.
if your ears have not experienced the awesomeness
that is, sunny day real estate, id definitely give
them a listen... even though they aren't together
anymore.

senses fail:
reminds me of a terrible train wreck.

straylight run:
i believe they got their name from Neuromancer, a novel
by William Gibson. i love the name. to me, its like nothing
else out there. p.s. theyre amazing live as well.

city and colour:
dallas green is clever. dallas being a city and green a colour,
i like it. it totes works.

my chemical romance:
with this name, i feel like ill always be sixteen.

circa survive:
i think anthony green is amazing. the band name seems so simple
yet so complex at the same time. i dont know, maybe its just me.

planes mistaken for stars:
this is one of those long band names that works. and, to me at least,
doesnt sound awkward.

jimmy eat world:
i like the band and i also like the fact that the band name makes absolutely
no sense. but then again, no sense makes sense. and they did take the name from
a drawing created by jimmy's brother who was eight at the time.

tegan and sara:
yes, i know what you're thinking, "its just their names" well, they have amazing
names! TEGAN AND SARA!

behind the wheel.

at school is funny. our driving teacher is my friends old phys ed teacher. he likes making weird noises. especially while making u-turns. he likes burping. he got into the car today and was really sweaty. it was kinda gross. but funny. he had the a/c on when i started driving, my hands were really cold. he makes me nervous. i dont know why. well, im assuming its because hes grading me on how well i drive. umm...i think its safe to say im not the worst driver. my friend drove though a "DO NOT ENTER" street. that was an interesting experience. anyway, i need work on parking. [not that you even care.] who the hell reads these?! all i ever do is ramble. if you read this, please let me know lol.

to the ocean. by the shore.

to the ocean. by the shore.
ill write her a letter.

on paper held together
with the stitches that keep
this hole in my chest from tearing
apart any further.

seal its envelope with each
and every tear thats fallen
down my cheek.

its stamp, the shape of a heart that
before, was very much together.

with my trembling hands, ill put it
in a bottle.

cork it up along with every single word
that just a week or so ago, meant the
world.

then toss it into that big ocean.
never to be seen again.

maybe then all of this pain thats been
suffocating me will sink to the ocean floor.

like that broken castle by the shore.

maybe i need you.

...the way that big moon needs that open sea.

oh man, being sixteen sucks sooo bad.

how can you act like nothing is going on?
like nothing's changed?

part of me is waiting. saving your place.

the other part of me is just giving up.

im so sick of screwing things up all the time.

i hate the fact that i still love you.
i hate the fact that you dont seem to care.

just dont apologize. apologies are pointless
when you dont really mean them...