company.

as much as i appreciate and am grateful for just about every opportunity that arises in which the outcome will be positive, part of me always feels either guilty, undeserving or really alone. i mean, i can be surrounded by so many positive people, yet i always feel like something is missing. for example, in march, i can meet tegan and sara because my friend knows security there.. im really excited because tegan and sara are two of my favourite musicians ever, but at the same time i really wish she was there with me. i think this feeling of emptiness that echoes through it all is largely due to the fact that i just wish this person i care about dearly could experience all of these great things with me. meeting all sorts of different people that you don't come across daily, seeing things and just all sorts of cool things this place has to offer that tend to be overshadowed by all the bad. my friends join me on all sorts of things, but the way i feel about them is completely different. sometimes i feel like they aren't even there, like they don't care, and even when i don't feel that way towards them, i still wish she was there. at the end of the day, i don't think im asking for a girlfriend out of any of this. she just seems to be the only person i can really make any sort of connection with in which i don't feel obligated to try and be someone i'm not.

..or maybe it's just the fact that it's almost half past two in the morning and i haven't slept.. but i doubt that. :)