everybody leaves and i'd expect as much from you.

i don't think the fact that i'm used to people leaving is a good thing. the more i think about it though, the more i kind of realize that at this point.. i'm expecting them to do so, so i don't really open up to many people.

why open up to someone who's just going to be gone in like.. a month's time or so? it's a waste of breath and pointless to be reminded of all the crap i've had to deal with.

that being said, i guess this is why im surprised jess has stuck around as long as she has. if i remember correctly (and i probably don't lol) we started talking a few days after my birthday.. so it's been well close to a year.

we've had our ups and definite downs and i apologize constantly for those downs because i hate feeling like a burden. i hate making things worse.. even though that's usually what happens.

a constant thought of mine is usually "well.. i wonder if today is the day jess is going to 'walk out' of my life" ..if/when it happens, there'll be nothing i could possibly do. i can't make someone stick around, but the fact that she's done it has got to be like... pure luck or something because no one else has ever stuck around that long.

(except for maybe rick, but he's like my brother so i usually don't count him lol)