a bright future?

so despite the previous blog in which i stated i had nothing to blog about, while soaking my head in bloody cold water due to the ridiculous heat in which i live, i realized that i absolutely cannot validate the pointless existence i put myself though every day. some days it doesn't even come to mind. some days it doesn't bother me whatsoever, but for the most part, it really bugs me. it's not that im being defeatist. it's just tough not to give up. Like, i have nothing to offer anyone. i mean, the music i write, isn't worth shit. the videos i make are quite pointless, directing is going to get me nowhere. the girl i seriously absolutely love will never ever be with me. ever....because as far as distance becoming a chore goes.....distance would be like a horrid nightmare. :/ ..so even just assuming anything would ever work out is nothing more than wishful thinking. the only thing i'm somewhat good at is writing. however, the thought of being an English teacher the rest of my life.. or just working a nine-to-five job scares the living shit out of me. if there's one thing i'd hate most is to work a nine-to-five job. sure, that's good for some people, but there's no way im going to settle for that. idk. i just hate living in this confusion.